A verse that has been apropos for me this past year is, Psalm 46:10, “Surrender your anxiety! Be silent and stop your striving and you will see that I am God.” I’ve had a lot of anxiety this last year and I’m actually realizing I think I have a lot of my life. In my walk with Jesus I typically walk out what He teaches me and this has been a big lesson of late (verse above). This is one that has come up before in big ways so this time should be easier…it wasn’t.

Summer last year and even before that I felt a discord within me about my work. The setting where I worked was mostly peaceful, the people great, I felt at home in a way in that I got to encourage people quite often but something felt off. I asked God to close the door for me at work if it was time to go. Fast forward a few months and the work tanked. He answered me quick, the problem was I didn’t connect the dots. Meantime, I got connected to something totally outside of my realm of knowledge or experience and I took a risk. This was in real estate. I had to invest some of my funds. My funds are His funds. I probably wouldn’t have done it but I prayed on it and continually felt peace and the doors opened. That has been a fruitful experience all around. So as my work was shutting down, this other thing was opening up and doing well. One thing had my efforts behind it, the other seemed to be provided and powered by God. I caught on and left my job.

As I left, we were moving, my daughter was graduating, the real estate deal was coming to a close so it was a crazy busy time. I stayed up for nearly 48 hours at one point to get work done, which isn’t a normal practice for me. I ended May and began June BURNED OUT. I was exhausted and running on empty. Got settled into the new place and as work ended I began to catch up on sleep.

Life slowed down and I began to realize how much had slipped past my notice. There seemed to be gaps of disconnection that needed reestablished in some relationships.

The bible says to live in the world but not to be of it. What I “know” often needs me to experience the knowledge for it to settle deep in me. There is a kingdom I know of that I am a citizen of that I can live in accordance with now. This kingdom operates often counterintuitively to this world’s kingdom. Sometimes I feel knowing is rough because likely, at least for me, I’m going to have to live out the lesson that goes along with said knowledge if it is going to be a part of my life. The thing is, I can’t get enough of Jesus so this is likely going to be a part of life the rest of life. The world tends to push being busy as a badge of honor yet in the kingdom of heaven in order to go forward one must rest…slow down, listen for what God is saying.

Okay, so here’s the really cool part of why I’m sharing this: some months ago I began to sense the Lord saying, let Me love you. I said back, I am. But He continued to say it and I figured out, I guess I really wasn’t letting Him love me. I tend to move forward fast when I get a sense of a direction or some momentum gets built and I’m learning that in this season it looks more like Him leading me forward and me following instead of the other way around. Timing can be everything, which sounds pithy and cliche but it’s really true, so even if I get a sense of direction the timing to move forward in that direction can be the difference between a great outcome and a no so great one. We needed to move as my rent was going up a lot and so I looked for houses to buy or places to rent and spent months on it and eventually I laid it all down before Him and let go. And within days of needing to move found this place that far exceeded any expectations we had. There is more to that story so will probably post separate on it. The real estate deal I moved forward in that included skin in the game on my part which felt risky and could’ve been anxiety inducing but I felt so much peace on it and it went much better than we initially anticipated. Those are big things but He was and is in them. When I let go and let Him lead, He led me to an amazing home and a great outcome on an investment. God’s love far surpasses any idea of what I have had of it. I get a glimpse when I see my kids but His love is far greater than human earthly love.

Father cares about the tiniest details of our lives even. I admired a dress from a store I get emails from. I saw the dress and wanted it but it was expensive. For my birthday I got a gift card to this store and I went online and saw the dress was totally sold out and was seasonal so it was gone for good. On a whim, I went into the store that sold this dress and as I walked around I looked up and saw hanging against the wall the dress and they had my size. The saleslady said herself she was surprised as the dress was sold out and they randomly recently received this shipment of them. I knew it was Father giving me a gift for my birthday.

Letting Him love me has been a lesson for me in letting go of what I think is best. Often I make decisions from a place of logic, what makes sense and sometimes even frantic fear. When I surrender my anxiety, stop striving and let go He leads me to things, people and places I would have never found on my own.

My word for this season is surrender. The bible says that man’s wisdom is foolishness to God. But what’s awesome about God is that even if I move forward hastily or not fast enough, He still comes through for me and makes it good when I look to Him. I’m realizing, I can’t fail. I mean, I can choose to walk totally away from Him and then I guess fail but provided I stay in relationship with Him, He will always lead me to good things and the path He has for me…but the sooner I surrender the sooner I’ll get to where He wants me.

As it happens, when you’re in a spot where you’re learning something you tend to meet people in the same place or a bit further ahead in what you’re learning. I’ve met quite a few now who are on their own journey of surrender. There is something beautiful about living in the unknown in this relationship with God. One can see it as terrifying as they don’t know where they’re going to end up (been there) or as a great adventure and I’m learning to live here. So many lessons are learned on the journey. The world will throw up in your face so much reason and logic while you’re in this place with Him: you need to find a job! you should do xyz! etc, etc. Trusting Him means shutting out the voice of man screaming to do whatever and listening instead to the still small voice of the Lord that beckons to you. I do believe there is wisdom in counsel and it’s good to learn and listen to others, but to submit those words to Him and allow Him to be the ultimate authority in your life. This has been a hard learned lesson in my life and I believe one that added time on to the path that God had for me from the jump but that’s another story.

I’m awed by the love of God. His love surprises me. Even though I’ve experienced it many times in my life, I’ll never cease to be amazed by Him. Beginning a relationship with God is quite simple. Just get honest before Him. Ask Him questions or pour your heart out before Him and take time to listen for His response. I was outside with my son the other day and it the air was still and out of nowhere there was a breeze and my son got excited and told me, “mom! I asked God if He is real to send a breeze! And He did!” Simple. God much more longs for us to get to know Him than we do and He longs to have a relationship with us. So what I shared is where I’m at with Him but you may be in a totally different place. I learn a lot from other people and their walks and am always wanting to grow so that is part of the reason I share my stories. Mostly, I share because when I was growing up in church and reading bible stories I believed them but didn’t understand why I wasn’t seeing stories like the ones in the bible happening now and as I started to walk with God I began to see miraculous supernatural things happen and still do. He is real. He loves me, He loves you and He longs to walk with you in this life.

If you’re a believer in Jesus and you’re a bit burned out from the busy pace of this life, pour out your heart before Him. Slow down and listen to Him and what He is saying. I call this Philippians 4ing it: don’t be pulled in different directions or worried about a thing. Be saturated in prayer throughout each day, offering your faith filled requests before God with overflowing gratitude. Tell Him every detail of your life, then God’s wonderful peace will make the answers known to you through Jesus Christ. If you’re like me and you tend to hear Him better when you’re moving, take a walk, pour your heart out to Him and listen for Him. He will speak to you in the way you hear Him.

I love God stories. If you have one you would like to share please comment.